The screaming reality of Dusk ‘Til Dawn suddenly hit me last week, as did the realisation that the most strenuous cycling I have done over the summer has usually involved trolling along with my children in tow. In order to try and shock a bit of fitness and stamina into my lardy body, I have been popping out for a quick (mainly tarmac) sprint round on a Monday evening.

Last night I took a very random route round the quiet back streets of Fetcham and Bookham, looping back and forth in an effort to make up an hour of cycling, while trying to do the whole ride in one high gear. I rode through Fetcham village, up Cock Lane, round past Mr C’s house and out onto Bookham Common. After running across the Common, I followed a number of footpaths and wrong turns until I ended up on Little Bookham Street.

As my cycle computer has packed up, I took a quick time check and discovered I had only been cycling for 25 mins, so I doubled back on myself several times and eventually ended up at the end of the driveway up to Polesden Lacey. After a quick drink I cycled along the bridleway toward the top of Crabtree Lane, and then carried on along Admirals Road, aiming to come out at Bocketts Farm top car park.

It was while I was happily riding down the last section of Admirals Road that I encountered my own Banzai Badger. I heard quite a lot of rustling in the undergrowth to my right which drew my attention to that side. I was somewhat surprised therefore when a badger shot out from the left hand side of the track and decided that the best thing to do was run across in front of my bike, and then run along the track for a good few yards almost under the front wheel of my bike before darting back into the undergrowth.

After the Stig’s brush with the Nadger Badger, I have to admit that my own balls withdrew back into my body cavity as I tired not to run straight over the swerving badger, and the skid marks, both on the trail (and in my pants), don’t bear thinking about.

The rest of my ride was uneventful, but I have to wonder why we are suddenly the targets for badger attacks. Evidently the big black and white buggers have got it in for us mountain bikers, and now my fevered imagination is filled with the idea of teams of Banzai Badgers wrapping their white head bands around their heads as they prepare for their final kamikaze missions to bring down mountain bikers.

Then again perhaps I should just concentrate of getting ready for Dusk ‘Til Dawn!