Despite much to be thankful for physically, there’s one area where I could do with a bit more girth. I’m referring, of course to my head which is unfortunately modelled on a pin and regretably not compensated for by a luxurious mane of hair either.

As a consequence, I find buying bike helmets a bit of an effort as most of them seem to be made for more manly bonces than my own. I currently have a 2004 Giro Animas which has never really fitted me even with their RocLoc 4 system. I end up with the helmet gripped firmly front to back but with free play at the sides which means I have to choose my accidents carefully.

In an effort to keep it on my head the helmet is so tight front to back that when I remove it I look like a character from Star Trek, with a nice V impression on the top of my forehead hinting at some kind of Klingon ancestry. It’s been known to last some hours.

The pads supplied with the helmet are just not thick enough at the sides to make my helmet comfortable. Not only that, but over time they start to get pretty rank. A couple of weeks ago I decided I couldn’t stand their grimy slickness against my head any longer and took them off to wash them. Naively I chucked them straight in the washing machine, an act of optimism I came to regret. When they came out they had taken on an unfortunate multi part form that consigned them immediately to the bin.

After a bit of hunting around I found Chain Reaction were selling a replacement set for £4.95, a bit of a rip off but certainly cheaper than a new helmet (which being a member of a large scale consumer cult I seriously considered). When they arrived it was no surprise that they still weren’t very effective at gripping my head but they were noticeably fuller and plusher than the old ones (which were basically worn out) and at least they didn’t smell.

With the plump, yielding softness normally associated with fresh baked bread, I could liken them to discovering the marvels of a 20-something college student after years of marriage to a dull but worthy homemaker, but that would clearly be overstating things and make you wonder what on earth I’ve been drinking. So I won’t do that.

But the basic problem remains, how do I find a comfortable crash helmet? I’ve tried a Specialized Instinct helmet which I will admit is quite an improvement but sometime soon I need to get myself a new bike helmet. I’m happy to hear from any other pin-headed riders that have solved this particular issue.

In the meantime, I’m just impressed that I’ve managed to waste the last few paragraphs talking about replacement helmet pads.